the best thing for you would to be queen, so be queen

i am alive. i worked a lot, created bonds, had an affair, wrecked a home, got fucked around and left alone, bought some arts and crafts in a disused mill, got a tattoo of a raptor on my wrist, became ill.

there was a time when every day was marked on the calendar which hung on the wall above my desk. blackly inked X's told me what to do and my energetic, organic flatmates herded me into a pattern of how to be. i drank strong coffee and spread rumours inside my head to pass the time.

i am an angry young woman, i think.

this is the place i made my first mistakes

Rain

I
you never asked to see the weather report
said it made you feel cold and anxious
even if we were predicted sun.

II
you smelt of popcorn
or hope. a burnt shell atomised
and tumbling through life,

reminding me of that first fight
over nothing, saying something,
your body vibrating next to mine

or the day we caught the bus
to somewhere else, you snatched at
my fingers like a responsibility
and I pulled away.

we couldn’t be bothered to shout -
but dull clouds gathered overhead
as you took your things
and left my house.

III
last night I sat outside
my cigarette tracing the thought of you
and was surprised
when it rained.

love on paper plates is great and you make me smile

gwendoline riley came to keele. unsung number four launched. then some other things happened. freed up was good. my housemate wrote an article for rainy city stories. we went to the event and saw socrates read about chinese food. ate chinese food. chris killen is reading at keele on monday. keele is 'buzzing' with literature based fun. meanwhile, i sat around hyperlinking.

i am writing a novella about facebook. is facebook a good subject for a novella? seems appropriate.

this evening i 'test-drove' my new grey coat. felt like paddington bear. underneath it i was wearing a purple top and a green belt. i felt 'powerful'. went to sainsburys twice in one day and was paranoid that people knew. get that a lot; worrying that people recognise me in shops i go into a lot and think 'she comes here a lot'. i don't know.

feel moderately addicted to 'dating advice communities' on livejournal.



i have a 'motherfucker' of a headache.

a loan shark took his daughter up the arse for ten pence

psst, internets.



i just thought you should see this.